Why the Internet is Like a Penis
I didn't write this. In fact, no one seems to really know who wrote it, but this
has been floating around the 'net for quite a while. Don't read this bit if you're
easily offended. Of course, you've already read the offensive part, so you might
as well go ahead and read it anyway.
- It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.
- In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered
vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing
it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
- It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the
same damn dumb things it did before.
- It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction
very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person
you're dealing with until it's too late.
- If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.
- It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll
find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
- We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
- If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.
- It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp
your behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I do that?"
- Some folks have it, some don't.
Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those
who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.
Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth
the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don 't have it
would like to try it.
- Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play
with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
Internet Top Ten Lists Table of Contents | Previous List | Next List
Copyright © 1994, 1995, 2004 by Kevin Savetz. The information in this book was collected in 1994-1995 and has not been updated since.